Home is where you are
by LAdreams
Summary: Story of Catherine and Lou's life after Catherine moved to Quantico. In this version they have a son, Sam. Will their love survive the distance? Well, it will turn out. This is my very first story in English, so be kind :D
1. One last I love you

I.

One last I love you

_Lou slowly opened his eyes. At first __sight he hadn't realized where he was. Everything was white, clean and strange. After a few seconds he understood that he's lying in a hospital bed. Then flash of memories turned up out of blue. A shot, a bomb, an explosion. And Catherine. He was with Nick, Kip and Catherine. He was perfectly clear about that. And his thigh was shot, he still felt the unexpected pain as the bullet run through his leg, and Catherine screamed. And then something happened, something bad. The bomb must be went off. But did everyone survive? He looked down and his geryish blue eyes met with Catherine's dazzling blue eyes. She smiled at him. Her face was frayed, her wrist was in bandage but she was alive. And she was next to him. Sat on the bed and held him hand, gently stroked it with her thumb._

"_Welcome back" she said to him with a bigger smile. She was happy that Lou survived it without serious injury "The doctor's patched you up, you're gonna be okay, but Kip didn't make it"_

"_Did we get him?" he was surprised how weak his voice was. He didn't like the fact that Catherine saw him in that condition._

"_We will" they sat in silence for awhile when Lou broke the silence._

"_Thanks…for being here" Catherine seemed a little bit surprised but after a second she smiled again._

"_Where else I would be? You got some rest. I'll be back"_

"_Okay" Lou noded, and Catherine stood up from the bed. From the door she waved to him, and then she left the room. Lou looked after her with desperation. He wanted her to stay next to him. But she had other things to do, and he knew it very well. He closed his eyes and he fell asleep quickly._

_After Nick's leaving Catherine stayed alone in the corridor. She didn't feel herself ready to go back to Lou. She had need of more time. Motherly stroked her barely visible baby bump as she took the road to her love's room. Lou didn't know about their baby yet. She planned to tell him that night, when they shift would have ended, but her plans flew away the moment that they went on that storage. _

_She entered the room soft. She guessed that Lou slept, and she didn't want to wake him up. She sat on the bed in silent and watched him sleeping. She was tired, too. Tired and pinched. She wouldn't mind some sleep, but she didn't want to leave Lou at the hospital alone. Catherine carefully put up her legs on the bed, and lied down next to Lou. She didn't want disturb him, but she was in want of feeling Lou's closeness. She's just now realized that she could lost her baby. It was just a miracle that the embryo didn't get hurt. She was pleased and promised herself that never ever will put her child in danger, nor during her pregnancy, nor after the delivery. In a few minutes her eyelids became heavier and she fell asleep, too._

_She was woken up by someone's gentle touch. She turned her head and she saw Lou as stroked her arm. A small smile passed over her face. Lou pressed a slight kiss on her lips. She kissed back immediately._

"_Hey!"_

"_Hey!" Catherine was still a little sleepy, Lou could tell it. He saw it in her eyes._

"_Why didn't you go home?"_

"_I wanted to stay with you, I didn't want to leave you alone" Catherine placed her head on Lou's chest. She smelled his typical, unique scent. Lou hugged her with his arms, and started to rock her. Catherine suddenly began to weep "I was so scared. I thought I lost you"_

"_Never" Lou breathed a little peck on the top of her head._

"_I'm pregnant" said quietly Catherine after a few minutes silent._

"_You what?" Lou's voice was surprised. Catherine could tell he didn't expect a news like this one._

"_Pregnant. With your child"_

"_I've never dare to dream about it…I always imagined that how good would be raise a kid together, but I thought we meet too late for this, but it seems I was wrong. Thanks God!"_

"_You're really happy about it?"Catherine was a little skeptical._

"_Sure! Why? You're not?"_

"_No! I'm happy…maybe a little frightened but happy. I just thought you don't wanna be a father at your age, near fifty"_

"_Well…I'm not, but you're pregnant, and I'm glad about it. I love you, and I love our baby, too" he placed his hand on Catherine's belly. Now, he felt she's got a little bump which he's never noticed before…well, he noticed, but he thought his girlfriend just took a few pounds. He has never dared to hope that that bump could be anything else but a baby. But now it turned up that it is. He couldn't be happier "Wait! Did it hurt because of the explosion?"_

"_No, luckily no"_

"_That's good" _

_Catherine stayed at the hospital until the clock striked midnight. It was almost 1 p.m. when she arrived home. She was asleep as soon as her head reached the pillow._

She remembered that day when she first talked of our son to Lou as she left her office for the last time. She never will be work in this building again, never have an own office. She never will be a CSI again. She's an FBI agent now. It was still a strange feeling. During her lifetime she's never lived anywhere else, she was a real Vegas-girl, and she was proud of it. She worked for the lab almost 20 years. Time for change has come. She walked through the corridors, waved to her former colleagues and headed to the parking lot. She couldn't believe that she'll move to the East Coast on the next week. She had to prepare her baby for the moving. She hadn't have a clue how she will solve this. But first of all she had to tell Lou about her moving. It'll be a pretty nasty round. Although they broke up before Catherine gave birth to their child, Sam, they stayed friends…they had some kind of neither you, nor without you relationship. And of course they tried to do their best because of their son.

She went home slowly. She drove along Las Vegas, marked every little thing. She took her own memory-tour in her hometown. She already missed the lights, the noise, the feeling that this city never sleeps. She'd like to go to the desert to look up and lost in the sight of the stars but her son's already waited for her. She hasn't seen him for two days and she really missed him. Catherine took the direction to her mother's house. She left there Sam before she started her shift little more than two days ago. Thinking back it was a good idea. It was just luck that Sam wasn't with Catherine when she was attacked and her house was shot.

She arrived to Lily soon. She run up the stairs, and as she entered the house, her first thing was to hug her little son. In the moment when Sam saw his mother, a big smile appeared on his face.

"Hi, baby! Mommy's here, from now everything will be alright" whispered gently to Sam's ear as she patted his back. Though she felt herself too old for pregnancy, she was glad that Sam was born. She couldn't imagine her life without her son. When turned out that they'll have son, both decided that he will be named after their fathers. On a hot night in June their son, Samuel Anthony Vartann, came into the world, a bit earlier than should have. Lou was with Catherine during the whole labour. Even though they weren't a couple anymore, they were still in love with each other. They just didn't have courage to say it out loud. They rather lived in suffering next to each other. Sometimes they went out for a date, they kissed, they flirted with each other but they've never made love. They met every day, because Lou didn't want miss anything in Sam's life. Their son was his father's copy. He totally looked like Lou.

Catherine put back Sam in his playpen, and went to the kitchen to eat something. Just as she would started to eat, someone knocked on the door. She arrived to open it at the same time as Lily.

"I get it" Catherine reached the door handle.

"You alright?" asked her mother.

"Sure! Why?"  
"You seem sad" Lily knew about the moving. Not long after Pratt offered her a job, she called her mother and told her everything. She asked her advice what she should do.

"It's nothing"

"I don't believe you"

"That's your choise" Catherine opened the door, and in the doorway Lou stood. Catherine got scared. She wasn't ready to tell Lou everything. She was afraid that if she says it out loud it'll be official and her present. Of course it was official already she just had to used the mind that she'll leave Las Vegas very soon. Catherine stepped out the house, and closed the door behind her.

"How are you?" asked Lou softly and hugged Catherine, taking care not to push her wound.

"Why is everyone ask me this?" Catherine was getting annoyed.

"Cause we love you, and worry 'bout you. It' so hard to believe this?" Catherine didn't answer just rolled her eyes.

"I have to talk to you, Lou" she started slowly. She didn't know how she'll tell it and how Lou'll greet it. She sat down to the stairs, and Lou sat next to her.

"About what?" he grabbed her hand, and stroked it tenderly.

"Agent Pratt offered me a job…at the FBI. In Quantico" she didn't dare to look at the man next to her. She stared the sidewalk and tried to hide her tears. She said it out loud. She couldn't back down. She became an FBI agent "And I accepted it"

"You did?" Lou's voice shaked just as Catherine's.

"Yeah. I'll move to Quantico next week. With Sammy"

"What could I do to make you stay?" Catherine just now recognized how sad was Lou's voice.

"Nothing. I need this change. I have to go"

"And I have to lose you. And my son, too"

"You're not losing us" she laid her head on Lou's shoulder.

"You're right. I've already lost you" he stood up and went to the direction of his car. Catherine looked after him with despair in her eyes. She hurt him, and she didn't want it. She stood up and run after Lou. As soon as she reached him, she grabbed his arm.

"You're not gonna lose us! Sam's your son, I don't want to separate you. I don't have the right to do this"

"It's not about Sam, Cath! It's about us. I love you, and I don't wanna lose you, and you know it very well! But now, you're moving. In Quantico you'll meet someone. You'll fall in love, you'll forget me…and I'll lose you. Again" Lou's eyes and voice was full of pain. He wasn't ready for a change like this. It was really not about Sam. He loved his son, and he knew Catherine never did anything that could effect badly him and his son relationship. As he said it's about Catherine. Until they have met each day at work and at Catherine's place, he didn't fear that one day Catherine'll meet someone and she'll fall in love, but now everything changed. He wasn't ready to let her go and he won't let her go. He felt Catherine's soft touch on his arm.

"You're not gonna lose me, Lou. I love you, and the only man I fall in love is you. See? I'm ready to say it out loud again"  
"Then why did you accept the job?"

"Because I needed it! I need a change, I stucked, my carrier is over. I need a new challenge"

"In Virginia…"

"Yes, in Virginia. It's the same hard for me, too. But I know we can solve this. We can make the things to work between us. It'll be hard I know it, but I believe in us! Let's give a try…please!" Catherine already cried. Buried her face to Lou's chest. He hugged her, and patted her back, whispering calming words to her ears. They stood in this way for awhile when they broke apart and Lou pressed a little, careful kiss on Catherine's lips. Soon their kiss got deeper and deeper. They were afraid of the future, but they knew deep in their mind they can do it. They can do it anything they want. Because they love each other, they love their son and they can make things to go well. It'll be hard for them, but it worth the suffering.

**so this was the 1st chapter...I hope you liked it :)**

**I welcome reviews :)**


	2. A whole new world

So here comes the 2nd chapter...I hope you'll like it :)

II.

A whole new world

Catherine put the last box in the trunk. She's already took Sam's car seat in the passenger's seat. While she was packing in her car, Sam was in his father's arm. This was their last minutes together before Catherine and Sam leave Las Vegas. They spent together every minutes of the past few days. During the day till Lou was away for work, Catherine packed everything Sam and she'll need in Quantico. Her furnitures were already there. Now Catherine just brought their personal stuffs, clothes, pictures, Sam's stuffs and the others. She didn't even leave Vegas but she's already missed Lou. They spent together as long time as it was possible. Lou was at Lily's every night 'till the day of the moving. They played with their son and they were gentle with each other, tried to prove their love, because no one knows when they'll be able to be together again. Although they plant that Lou'll visit them during the following weekend but it depended on how things'll work at the PD. That was the main reason why Catherine and Lou left Sam with Lily last night and went out to the desert. The night was cold, the stars shined bright, and they were all alone. At first they sat on a blanket under the infinite darkness. Catherine's head lied on Lou's shoulder, he hugged her. His arm was on her waist, and gently stroked her. They looked up the sky, searching for shooting stars and getting lost in the timeless infinity. They didn't talk, they just sat next to each other, listened the mixture of the silence and their heartbeats. As Catherine began to feel cold, they sat in her Mercedes SUV, but they still didn't feel like to get back Lily's place. They lied in the back-seat and they kissed, they made love, and they totally forgot about the world around them. It was early in the morning when Catherine and Lou arrived back to home. Lily wasn't surprised, she didn't ask anything. She knew very well that her daughter had need of that night without anyone's but Lou's company.

A few hours later Catherine and Sam were ready to go and start their new life in Quantico. After Catherine closed the trunk, she put Sam into his car seat. She hoped that her son'll be sleep through the large part of the almost two days long journey. She hugged her mother and then she turned to Lou. Lou hugged her, she buried her face in his chest. Lou placed a tiny peck into Catherine's strawberry red hair. She looked up, and kissed Lou. They stood in that way for awhile.

"Call me, when you take a break" Lou pressed his one last kiss on Catherine's lips. She nodded, while she sat in her car. Sam's been already fallen asleep, but her mother didn't mind it at all. This just makes their leaving easier.

"I will, don't worry"

"I will try. Love you, and I'll miss you!" Lou moved from the SUV.

"I'll miss you, too and, of course, I love you!" Catherine started the engine, and slowly drove off from her mother's house. Couple of minutes later she left Las Vegas. Her first tears started to flow down on her cheek. She cried silently, she didn't want to wake up her son from his peaceful dreams.

She drove all day and stopped for the night in Kansas City. She didn't often pause their journey. Just in case if Sam was hungry or he needed a clean diaper. Catherine checked into a motel near the highway. She left almost all of their luggages in the car. She just brought in a bag with her PJ's, clothes for the next day and Sam's stuffs. She placed Sam in the middle of the double bed, until she gets ready to feeding him. After she fed Sam, she bathed and put him to sleep, Catherine took a bath, ate something, and lied down on the bed, carefully not to disturb Sam's dream. She grabbed her phone and called Lou. He picked up immediately.

"Hey sweetie!" Lou's voice seemed to be so far away- So I guess you are in K.C.

"Yeah…and I'm tired to death"

"I can imagine. I miss you…I miss that no one sleeps next to me"

"Me too, but next weekend you can steal my blanket"

"Believe me, I cannot wait it!" Lou laughed and Catherine can't help it but smiled also.

"I'm sure"

"Sammy?"

"He's asleep" Catherine gently stroked her son's hair "He dorms like you" she laughed in the phone. She could imagine Lou's face after her sentence.

"I bet…"

"Sorry, honey, but I'm really exhausted. I have to go now. I really need some sleep. I love you!"

"I know it. Sleep well, Cath! I love you, too!"

"I'll call you when I wake up. Good night!" Catherine hung up the phone. Each of their goodbyes was like a knife in her heart and she was sure Lou feels the same.

She fell asleep very quickly and the morning also arrived very quickly. She was still tired a little but she knew they had to continue their road. Lindsey was already in Quantico and she waited for them. After she called Lou, she put her still sleeping son into his car seat and left Kansas City. She drove all day and tried to stop as few as it was possible. She just stopped in case if Sam needed something, feeding, diaper changing or else. She arrived to Quantico in late the night. Before she would have done anything she picked out Sam from the car with his car seat. She entered the house and searched for the living room. Lindsey sat there, and read a book. When she noticed that her mother arrived, she immediately sat up and took over Sam to put him on the table. Then she hugged her mother as a greeting. Catherine was happy that Lindsey could solve to be with her during that weekend. She hasn't seen her daughter for weeks and she really missed her.

"Can I help you?" asked Lindsey after they broke apart.

"You can't, everything will be left in the car, I'll unpack them tomorrow, now I'm too tired for that. Tonight I'll just call Lou, take a bath, feed Sam, and bath him and then sleep with him"

"Shall I bath him while you speak with Lou?"

"That'd be great, sweetie! Thank you" Catherine smiled on her daughter, and then left them in the room. She went upstairs. Her new house was big, but not bigger than the old one in Las Vegas. It was just difference. It has two stories, a loft and a cellar. The laundry was in the cellar, and a bigger room. On the first story were the kitchen with the dining room, a living room where was a big fireplace, a bathroom and a study. On the second story were three bedrooms. A bigger and two smaller. A bigger has a little bathroom. In the end of the corridor was a wardrobe. Catherine's furnitures were in the bigger one, so that room became the master room. Her daughter knew her too well. The windows of her room overlooked the river Potomac. And also their garden ended with the bank of the river. They also have a garage.

Catherine sat down on her bed, and dialed the number of Lou. He picked up in no time.

"Hey! So I guess you're in Quantico now. What's it like?" his voice came from very far. Just like he would be in another universe.

"Cold. Snow's everywhere. It's nice, but cold"

"Sweetheart, what else you expected in the end of January at the East Cost? Sunshine and heat? That's not Vegas"

"I know it, Lou! But I have to get used it. I'm the daughter of Las Vegas, the snow, the freezing winter…both are new for me"

"I wish I could be with you. Hug you, kiss you…love you" whispered Lou on the phone.

"Believe me, me too"

"I'd like to see you. Right now"

"How?"

"Switch on your laptop, and I'll call you on Skype"

"Sounds good, but I have to make Sammy ready for sleep. Lindsey's bathing him now, but he hasn't eaten yet"

"I don't care. I want see you and my son, too"

"Okay" Catherine sighed and sat up to search for her laptop. It was in one of her suitcases on the downstairs. She grabbed the bag of her laptop and went back to her room. While she was turning it on, she heard her daughter as she called her.

"Sorry, honey, but I have to put down. Lindsey's calling. I guess she finished bathing Sam"

"Okay. As soon as you'll be online I'll call you on Skype" Lou hung up the phone, and Catherine threw her cell on the bed then went to the bathroom where Sam is being dressed up by Lindsey. She watched how her daughter worked and when she finished Catherine stepped to them and picked up Sam.

"Are you hungry, aren't you, baby?" she pressed a little peck on her son's soft cheek "We'll be up in my room, if you need me, okay?" told Catherine to Lindsey from the door.

"Mom, can I get the room in the cellar"

"You'd like to? Wouldn't be better one from the two on the second story?"

"No… I really like that one"

"Well, if you like it, it's yours"

"Thanks, mom!" Lindsey smiled at Catherine and left the bathroom with her mother and brother. She took her road down her new room while Catherine went up into her room. Lou was already calling her on Skype. She clicked on the green phone and she saw Lou's face in that moment on her screen.

"Hey! Finally I can see you" Lou's smiled became bigger and bigger. She missed to meet him daily although they just told themselves good-bye two days ago.

First Catherine took Sam in the middle of her bed, and propped his back to one of her pillows. Luckily Lindsey had enough time to get ready each room for sleeping, she didn't need to do it now in her tired condition. After Sam was in safe, Catherine put her laptop on the bed, too and sat in front of it. She picked up Sam and gently laid him in her lap.

"I don't have too much time, Sam's tired and I have to feed him before he fall asleep"

"Just do it"

"Do what?" Catherine didn't understand what Lou means.

"Feed him and we can talk during it"

"Lou…I'm still breastfeeding him"

"I know, and I saw it before"

"But not on webcam!"

"Look, I'd like to be in the same room as you are but I can't. I'd like to see you and talk to you, and I don't care if you're feeding Sam during that. He's our son, I was there when he was conceived, I was there when he was born and when he first tasted your breast-milk, so I can't see new things, and I don't want miss any minutes what I can spend with you. Please, Catherine. I don't know when I'll be able to go and visit you" Catherine could hear the pain in Lou's voice. She knew he was right, so she opened her blouse and freed one of her breast for Sam. The little boy stuck on it, and started to eat like as if there'd be no tomorrow.

"It's really strange feeling, you know" told to Lou and she felt her face went red.

"Cath, he's seven months old and you're his mother. It's natural"

"I know…but I missed the feeling of your body as press to mine while Sam's eating. I miss your arms around my hip"

"Me too. But we will meet soon, I promise!"

"I hope so, because I can't live without you"

"Where will the little guy sleep?" asked Lou as he watching his son's feeding.

"Here, next to me. It's our first night, I don't want left him alone. Me and his stuffed cowboy will be a good company for him for sleeping"

"You would be the perfect bedfellow for me, too"

"I know" Sam finished with Catherine's breast so his mother gently placed him on her shoulder to burp him. After that she put back him on her lap. Sam's head rested on her breast, and he fell asleep very soon. His parents talked for awhile before they switched off their laptops and went to sleep. It was hard to say a recent good-bye and God only knows how much they have to tell it online or in the phone until they can be together again. On that night Catherine silently wept herself to sleep. She hoped she won't wake up her son with her tears. She really didn't want to cry but she can't read more. She missed Lou so much and she wished that he could be next to them, live with them, not thousands miles away.

**I'll try to write and upload the 3rd chapter as soon as possible but I have exams until the middle of January...till then I welcom your reviews. I'd like to know you liked the story or not, worthwhile to continue or not. Thanks! :)**


	3. To where you are

**Okay, instead of learning I wrote the 3rd chapter. That's it. My head was full with ideas so I had to write it down :) **

**I hope I won't fail my exam tomorrow…**

III.

To where you are

A month has passed since Catherine and Sam moved to Quantico. That was the same time they last met with Lou in personal. Neither Catherine nor Lou could solve to leave behind Las Vegas or Quantico for a weekend. Although they spoke daily on phone or on Skype they missed so much the physical connection. It was so hard both of them to survive day by day, and pretend to the world that everything is alright…especially in front of their son.

During the day while Catherine was working, Sam was in the daycare. Catherine usually picked him up around 3 or 4 pm. They spent the afternoon and the night together. They played, watched a cartoon and they spoke with Lou. They would have never missed this one thing. In those case if Catherine has a program for the night, or she has to stay until late night in the FBI Academy, one of their neighbours takes care of Sam. Her name was Lina Fairchild and she was the first one with Catherine met. She came over to introduce herself on Catherine's second day in Quantico. They got along well with each other from the fist minutes though they were direct opposite of each other. Lina was short, a little chubby, and blonde. She was open-hearted, talkative, that typical suburban housewife, but Catherine liked her. And with it she surprised herself as well. Lina was that type of woman whom company she would avoid in Las Vegas. After a few days she fully charged in her, and she wasn't afraid to ask her babysitting Sam while she's away at work. Luckily Sam hit it off with Lina, too.

On those special day of March Lina was at Catherine's place. It was Friday and Catherine's day off. They sat in the living room on Sam's playing rug. The little guy was in the lap of his mother and played with Catherine's hair and necklace, and he didn't even care that his mother tried to have a talk with Lina. Their original plan was go out to somewhere maybe to Washington but the weather was too cold and Catherine fear for Sam, so they stayed at home. They were in the middle of a conversation when someone interrupted it with a loud knocking on the front door. Catherine handed over her son to Lina and sat up to go and open the door for the visitor. She gasped as she saw who was in the door. It was Lou with a huge bouquet of rose. She jumped in his arms instantly and kissed him.

"You're here! You're here! I can't believe it that you are really here in Quantico!" whispered in his ears. Her eyes were full with tears which slowly passed off on her cheek. Lou took her down and gently wiped her lover's eyes and pressed a full of love kisses on her lips- How did you solve it?

"I fed up and after a pretty nasty case I said Brass I need a break and I want see my family and not on Skype because I haven't seen my son and haven't touch my girl since they moved. So he gave me four days off. I can stay until Sunday night"

"Tell Jim I love him!"

"Shall I be jealous?" Lou smiled at Catherine and kissed her again.

"No. I have only one man in my life and his name's Lou Vartann. Maybe you know him, don't you?"

"Yeah…That rings a bell. He's tall, handsome and nice, am I right?"

"And very humble"

"Yes, I think I know this guy. His girlfriend must be very lucky. I hope she knows it"

"Believe me, she knows" Catherine put her arm around Lou's neck and kissed him again. He held Catherine's hip, hold up her and brought her into the house. He put her down on the corridor and pressed her to the wall.

"Where's Sam?" he drilled his head in Catherine's neck and placed little kisses on it.

"In the living room, with my neighbor" she whispered. She tried to hide how much she wants feel Lou inside her.

"So we are not alone?"

"No. Sorry"

"Never mind. I'd like to see Sam" Lou put down Catherine and grabber her hand. They headed to the living room where Lina played with Sam. She read a tale to him.

"Hey, sweetie, look who is there" Catherine kneeled in front of them and lifted her son. As soon as Sam noticed his father a big smile appeared on his tiny face, and he reached out with his hands for Lou. He took over him and carefully hugged him.

"Hey, buddy! I missed you so much. And your mother as well"

"He missed you, too" Catherine pressed a little peck on Sam's cheek and stroked his light brown hair. Then she realized Lina was still in her living room "Oh, Lou, she's my neighbor"

"Hi!" Lou looked up and offered his hand Lina "Lou Vartann. Nice to meet you"

"Lina Fairchild. Finally, I meet with the famous Louis Vartann" she smiled as she measured him with her eyes.

"Famous?"

"Catherine told a lot about you. Tell the truth she can't talk about anything else. She really loves you"

"So that's why I am the luckiest man in the world. Without doubt"

"Well, finally you admitted it" Catherine laughed at Lou and kissed his lips.

"Cath, I can take after Sam, if you'd like to be alone together awhile" Lina was careful with her suggestion. She didn't know it would be a good idea or not, but she guessed that after a month both Lou and Catherine wouldn't mind some hours in two without the company of Sam. She was sure that was Catherine's secret wish, too. And she was right.

"That would be grate and I would be so thankful"

"I bet. So, come here, Sammy" she took over the boy from his father "What would happen if we go and watch some cartoon? You'd like it, don't you?" both Lou and Catherine pressed a peck on their son's cheek and watched as Lina went home with Sam in her arms.

Lou grabbed Catherine's hip again and pulled her. He gently stroked her back while kissed down her neck and chest. They didn't even care that they are in the living room. Lou laid down Catherine on the couch and rid of her clothes and lingerie. Then he dressed off, too and carefully over lied her. He kissed her everywhere from her lips to her breasts and he almost lost his mind as he felt Catherine's soft touch on his back. He enjoyed teasing her as he gently kissed and nibbled her breasts and patted her thighs. He thrusted in her harder than she expected. She let out a painful moan although she didn't want. She didn't care if he caused a little pain for her, she just wanted feel Lou's inside her with his full length.

"Sorry" he mumbled "I don't want hurt you"

"Don't think about it, just carry on" she kissed him hard and pressed her hip closer to him, so he could reach her more and feel him more inside her. Their love making was passionate and full with emotions and all of the passion, suffering, and love of the past month. They reached their orgasm almost the same time and after it they stayed in the same position as they were. Lou was on the top of Catherine. His head laid on Catherine's breasts and she gently play with his hair. They didn't speak. They just lied there enjoyed the silence and listened their breaths.

"Marry me" Lou was the one who broke the silence.

"What?"

"You heard me. I'd like to marry you"

"But I don't want to be your wife"

"Wait, what? And why?" Lou sat up and his eyes was full with dismay and pain. He stood up and started to get dressed "You know, it's good to know that…after that I expect nothing from our relationship" he left the room. Catherine sat up, too and got her lingerie and shirt on and run after her man. She found him in the kitchen. He sat at the table, his face was in his hands. She sat down next to him and carefully touched his arm.

"I didn't want to hurt you" her voice was soft and full with love and care.

"But you did. Why don't you want to be my wife? Don't you love me? Don't you think I'm good enough for you?"

"Neither. I love you, and sometimes I think that you're too good for me. I don't deserve a guy like you. I just… I don't want to be married again. I had a bad marriage and I don't want another one"

"So do I. But I know that you are the love of my life, the mother of my son. And what's more important the only one with I can imagine my future"

"I know! But, Lou, listen to me. I know that you would never hurt me, cheated on me, or something like that, but I'm not ready for that yet. I'm afraid if we get married our happiness will be go away and we'll do nothing but arguing like I did it with Eddie. We were so happy, but our wedding and marriage fucked up everything, even Lindsey's birth wasn't able to build up our love and I don't want it again. I don't want hate you. Marriage is not for me. I'm not a good wife"

"So you never want to be my wife"

"I wouldn't say never. One day, maybe when I'm sure about myself, when I'll be ready to say I do again, but not now. Can you accept it?" her voice was so gently, so eager. He nodded and clasped her. Catherine laid her head on Lou's shoulder, while she placed a little kiss on his back.

"You know" Lou's voice was silent and sad "I just hoped we could be a real family. You, me and the kids. Jake, Lindsey and Sam"

"We are a family, Lou. I don't need a paper to prove that I'm yours. It's unnecessary. I belong to you for almost four years now. Even if we were apart, my heart was and will be yours always"

"I know. Sorry I shouldn't bring up the topic. Forget it" Lou sat up and left Catherine alone in the kitchen. She could tell she hurt his feeling. She didn't want hurt him but also she didn't want a marriage. As she said she was afraid. And her fear wasn't that Lou will get bored with her or cheated on her. Her fear was she would be the one who couldn't handle the whole wedding and wedlock think and she would grow cold towards him and she didn't want it. She didn't want lose Lou. She loved him more than anything on the Earth.

Their evening was spent in silence. They were in the living room, sitting on the couch, playing with their son while the fire was burning in the fireplace. Catherine watched Lou's face as he told something to Sam. He was still sad and disappointed. It was in his eyes and she couldn't help him which was more painful to hold. Catherine laid her head on Lou's shoulder what he accepted without a word. He paid his attention on his son. Lou was the one who bathed Sam before Catherine fed him.

As usual she breastfed Sam her bedroom in a big, soft armchair close to her bed. Although she tried to cure him it was harder for her than Sam. She felt if she stopped breastfeeding him she would lose his child. Sam will be a year old soon, he wasn't a baby anymore, and it was so hard Catherine to accept it. She felt that it was just yesterday that she gave birth to her son after a pretty hard labor, and now he already tries to walk without too much luck, but he tries.

"Is everything alright?" asked Lou when he noticed the tears in Catherine's eyes.

"Yeah, sure. I'm just thinking"

"About what?" he sat on the floor in front of her lover and son. Until that he was on the bed.

"Sam. He'll be one year old in less than five months"

"Time goes by. It doesn't stop for no one"

"I know but…do you remember when we brought him home? He was so little and tiny and now he's a big boy. Our big boy" Catherine's tears escaped from her eyes and rolled down on her face. Lou carefully wiped them away. He didn't want disturb his son's dinnertime "I'm afraid I can't give him everything. What if he will be missed something because of me? Because I wasn't a good mother of him?"

"You're a great, moreover a gorgeous mother and you give him everything you can! And Sam knows it very well and you, too"

"No, I'm not. I can't give him his father. We are living in the opposite site of the country. How will he understand why he can't see his father daily like the other kids?"

"Please, Catherine, don't afraid about this now. As we said a month ago we will solve the problems. Okay?" She didn't answer just nodded.

When Sam finished with his dinner, Catherine put him to sleep in her bed as usual. After he fell asleep, they left him in the room with the switched-on baby monitors and went down to eat and spend sometimes together. They talked in the living room until dawn in a company of two big mugs of tea. They talked their problem, their fears and hopes about their future. And then when they were too tired to speak they went to bed. Sam slept between them in the huge, double bed. Catherine motherly embraced her son to hold him in his dreams and take care of him while they were sleeping. Lou watched the scene with a little smile on his face.

"Even if you said no to my not-too-good proposal, I love you. And you are a perfect mother, believe it or not"

"I love you, too, and I can't tell you how happy I am that you're with us right now. I wish we could stay like this forever"

"Me too. Good night, sweetie" Lou gently place a tender kiss on Catherine's lips. They were overcome by dream with smile on their face.

**So I hoped you liked it :)**

**Reviews are still welcomed :)**


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